Past that will never be forgotten

I think about him, a lot, more, so lately. I still can recall his face even years has past. He came into my dream and he is part of my nightmare. At first, I thought i'd past all this, obviously, i cannot. I cant clear my mind with thought about him. It hurts me, killed me everytime i think of it. I myself dont know how to overcome this past, i hope that one day i had a memory loss. There, i will forget everything about him and my past. I forget how far i have come and how much i have been through and the terror i felt that day. 😢

The memories are so real that i can almost still feel the pain. Shock. Confusion. Fear. The feeling of helplessness. The moment when i knew i am going no where until he was done. I can feel his teeth biting into my skin. I can feel his hands bruising me. I just wanted him to stop, but he wouldnt. A woman's most nightmare is happening to me. 

You dont realised until it happens to you just how devastating an act it is. When people say just get over it, it is not as simple as that, if only it was. It takes a long time, longer than i'd like it to be. Will my life will be normal again? I wonder .. 

-venusxa-

I confess to him about my past

I write this, because i am so sad, upset and dissappointed with what happened today. Today, i have the gut to tell him about my past. He was so shocked and he thank me for walk away. I started to wonder, it is really my fault? Everything in past was really my fault? How can he said i am the one who should be blame? I feel bad. I want to die. I want to go far away, to a place where no one knows me. As i typed this,my tears are coming out so fast. 

I look myself on mirror, and i tried to find what did i do? Now, i realised that i put so much trust on my past ex.

No i wonder! Is it all men will react like what he react after listening to my past? If yes, id rather to stay single forever. 

😔 why me?

-venusxa-

Dont worry!

Washing my face while crying this morning....Iet all my tears washed away because it will block all my positive vibes to move forward...wipe dry my face, and start my new day!

....thanks for the lesson...lesson learnt!!!

~venusxa~